What Can Kids Understand About Prison?

Tips for Honest, Age-Appropriate Conversations with Children

When a parent is incarcerated, the whole family feels it—including the children. But many caregivers are left wondering, What do I say? How much do I tell them? Will they even understand?

The truth is, kids understand more than we think. And what they need most is honesty, love, and reassurance that they are safe and still loved. While there’s no perfect script, there are age-appropriate ways to talk about incarceration that can help a child process it without fear or shame.

1. Start Simple, Stay Honest

You don’t have to explain the entire justice system. Stick to what they need to know in language they can understand. The key is telling the truth in a way that’s age-appropriate.

For young children (ages 3–6):
Keep it basic.

“Mommy/Daddy made a mistake and has to be away for a while. They’re in a place where people go when they need to learn from their mistakes.”

For ages 7–12:
Use clear language. Answer questions honestly but gently.

“Your parent is in prison because they broke a law. That doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. People make mistakes, and this is their time to make things right.”

For teens:
Give them space for complex emotions and more detailed answers.

Talk about the situation factually and with respect for their ability to process it. Let them ask questions without judgment.

2. Listen First

Kids often already know something is wrong. Hiding the truth can cause confusion, fear, or self-blame. Instead, create space where they feel safe asking questions. Let them lead the conversation at their pace. Sometimes, just knowing they can talk about it helps reduce the emotional weight.

3. Reassure Them They’re Loved

Children may internalize the situation or feel abandoned. Remind them:

Their parent’s incarceration is not their fault.
They are still loved by that parent.
They can still have a relationship, even if it looks different right now.

4. Use Books and Stories as Tools

Reading stories about incarceration can help normalize their feelings and give them the words they may not have. Some recommended reads:

For younger kids:

Visiting Day by Jacqueline Woodson
My Daddy is in Jail by Anthony Curcio
Mama Loves Me from Away by Pat Brisson

For older kids:

Far Apart, Close in Heart: Being a Family When a Loved One is Incarcerated by Becky Birtha
Nine Candles by Maria Testa (older children and teens)

5. Keep the Connection Alive

If contact is possible, let the child write letters, draw pictures, or talk on the phone. Even small moments of connection go a long way in maintaining a relationship and reminding them that love hasn’t disappeared.

Final Thoughts

Talking to kids about prison isn’t easy, but silence is heavier. By choosing honesty, compassion, and age-appropriate truth, you give children the chance to understand and heal.

Every child deserves to know they are not alone—and that love can exist even in hard places.