Most prison relationships are built on communication. But that doesn’t mean the communication comes easily. Calls get missed. Messages are delayed. Emotions run high. Without a clear routine, even small missteps can feel personal. So the goal isn’t perfection, it’s consistency. Here’s how to build a routine that works for both of you.

Set expectations clearly

Talk about how often you both want to talk. Once a day? A few times a week? Then figure out what’s possible based on their schedule, phone time, and the cost. Pick a rhythm that feels good but sustainable. This prevents one person from feeling ignored and the other from feeling overwhelmed.

If they can call at the same time most days, great. If not, agree on a window. Example: “Try to call between 5 and 7.” That way, you’re not staring at your phone all day.

Agree on a plan for missed calls

Calls get dropped. Lockdowns happen. Units run out of phone minutes. None of this is your fault—or theirs. Decide ahead of time how to handle missed calls. You can agree to send a short message if a call is missed: “I saw you called, I’m okay, talk soon.” That gives peace of mind without pressure.

Don’t punish each other with silence. A missed call is not rejection. It’s often just the system doing what it does.

Create check-in days

Not every conversation needs to be deep. But once a week, choose a day to check in with each other. Ask: Are we okay? Is anything bothering you? Do you feel close? These regular check-ins prevent small issues from becoming big ones.

Some couples like to have a standing theme day. Monday Motivation. Midweek Pep Talk. Sunday Check-In. Keep it light but real.

Be honest about what you can handle

You’re allowed to say, “I can’t talk every day.” Or, “I’m not up for deep conversations right now.” A healthy routine includes emotional pacing. If you’re burned out, say so. If they’re distracted, don’t force them to talk. Let the routine work for you, not control you.

Make space for change

Schedules shift. Housing assignments change. Jobs and programs pop up. What worked in January might not work in March. Check in monthly and update your routine as needed.

You’re both learning. Give each other room to adjust without blame.

Final note

You don’t need to talk 24/7 to stay close. What matters is that you both know when and how to reach each other and that the rhythm you choose is one you can stick to.

A good routine lowers anxiety, avoids conflict, and keeps the connection strong. That’s the goal.