An Open Letter to the Ones Who Are Loving Through the Walls

What no one tells you is how quiet your life can become.
How birthdays feel strange. How holidays split in two. How you celebrate victories by yourself and carry the hard days alone.

What no one tells you is that loving someone in prison means learning to make peace with grief that never really ends—it just softens. Some days.

They don’t tell you how people will judge you.
How even well-meaning friends will say things like, “You could do better,” or “I just don’t want you to waste your life.” As if love can only exist within certain walls. As if loyalty is a flaw.

They don’t tell you how many times you’ll rehearse your conversations before every phone call. How fast your heart will race when the phone finally rings. How you’ll sit in silence after, holding on to every word.

They don’t tell you that you’ll become an expert in policies, visitation rules, mailroom rejections, and commissary schedules. That you’ll become a mix of advocate, lawyer, therapist, and best friend—all while holding down your job, your home, your responsibilities.

They don’t tell you how deeply you’ll question your own strength, even while carrying more than most people ever will.

But here’s what I will tell you:

You are not weak for staying.
You are not naive for loving.
And you are not alone in this.

Loving someone in prison takes a kind of resilience most people will never understand. It’s the kind of love that shows up on the hard days. That chooses grace over comfort. That believes in redemption, healing, and second chances.

You are allowed to feel proud.
You are allowed to cry.
You are allowed to take up space with your story.

You are allowed to have boundaries. To protect your peace. To build a life while waiting for your person to come home.

There is no map for this kind of love. No playbook for long-distance devotion measured in steel doors and scheduled phone calls. But there is community. There is connection. And there is hope.

So if you’re reading this and feeling tired, invisible, or misunderstood—know this:

You are seen.
You are valid.
And you’re doing better than you think.

This love may look different, but that doesn’t make it less real.
It might even be more.

With love,
Someone who gets it 💌

Need tools to help you stay connected through letters, calls, and quiet moments?
Check out the Couples Communication Guidebook — a bundle of creative prompts, writing templates, and connection boosters designed just for couples navigating incarceration.

💌 Because your love deserves to be nurtured—no matter the distance.